Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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