I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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