It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
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I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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