gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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