I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize