I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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