I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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