if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
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It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
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That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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