I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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