Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
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I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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