I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize