After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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