mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize