Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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