Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE

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(513): WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE http://tfl.nu/ja6y

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(419): View more from Ohio

her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.

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(419): her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier. http://tfl.nu/ogdc

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(757): View more from Virginia

He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.

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(757): He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds. http://tfl.nu/ihy8

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(812): View more from Indiana

These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.

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(812): These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now. http://tfl.nu/s4lf

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(302): View more from Delaware

in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am

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(302): in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am http://tfl.nu/qmyh

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(607): View more from New York

I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.

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(607): I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked. http://tfl.nu/x6mr

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.

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(580): Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it. http://tfl.nu/0iyi

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(989): View more from Michigan

It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.

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(989): It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here. http://tfl.nu/e0yb

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(503): View more from Oregon

Just invented taco cereal.

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(503): Just invented taco cereal. http://tfl.nu/md8j

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.

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(403): Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit. http://tfl.nu/379t

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(503): View more from Oregon

I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.

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(503): I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs. http://tfl.nu/skdm

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(719): View more from Colorado

I'm stealing this baby.

(1-719): View more from Colorado

Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?

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(719): I'm stealing this baby. (1-719): Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it? http://tfl.nu/p4hu

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(719): View more from Colorado

I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.

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(719): I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon. http://tfl.nu/f6i1

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(303): View more from Colorado

If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you

(303): View more from Colorado

Seriously. Castrate.

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(303): If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you (303): Seriously. Castrate. http://tfl.nu/qjql

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(616): View more from Michigan

dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die

(1-616): View more from Michigan

that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida

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(616): dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die (1-616): that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida http://tfl.nu/3jsk

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