I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
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Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
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Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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