wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it hurts more in the daytime
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
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we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
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Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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