New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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