The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
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I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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