I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I am available for nakedness
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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