I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
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I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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