Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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