I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
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some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
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Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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