I only kidnapped one of them. chill
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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