I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize