Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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