She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
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Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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