Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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