I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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