My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize