Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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