if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
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Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
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My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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