yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
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Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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