so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize