awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
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Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
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He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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