Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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