We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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