i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize