I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
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Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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