best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize