i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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