his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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