What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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