Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
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I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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