batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
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I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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