i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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