I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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