I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
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I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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