Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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