After last night, I could never be a politician.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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